When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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