Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
