yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
