I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
