I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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