She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
