Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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