There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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