Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
