You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want nice things and good sex
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
