I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
