Will you blow on my dice?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
