You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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