am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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