I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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