So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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