I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
