A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize