I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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