remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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