I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
