We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
