Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want to make out with him forever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
