you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
