now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
