Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
