Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
