Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
