Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
