dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
