you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize