Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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