i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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