did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
