i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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