DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize