I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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