bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
