yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
