My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
