she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
