Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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