He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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