Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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