And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
