Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
