My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
