eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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