I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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