CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
