I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You've changed since you got that strap on
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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