His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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