i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
