i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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