He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
