I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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