dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
