I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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