Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
