My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
