you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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