Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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