So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
