remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize