Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
