we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
