Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
