Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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