this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
