my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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