I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's rum buckets o'clock
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
