so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
