It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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