I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize