It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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