When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
