I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
