dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize