He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
