You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
