my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
