so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
